When Carrying the Ambiguity Quietly Becomes Your Job

After I started noticing how often clarity disappeared first, I began seeing the next pattern:

When nothing gets clarified upstream, someone downstream absorbs it.
And it’s usually the person who can handle it.

I’ve been that person.

The one who translates half-formed decisions into something usable.
The one who smooths the edges so others can keep moving.
The one who quietly connects dots that were never fully connected.

For a long time, I told myself that was just part of being good at this work.

But over time, something else started to happen.

I wasn’t just carrying the ambiguity.
I was carrying the weight of making it all make sense.

Not in big, dramatic ways but in the small ones:

Rewriting messages.
Pre-thinking conversations.
Holding multiple versions of the same plan in my head.

From the outside, it looked like competence.
Inside, it felt like pressure without a clear place to put it.

I started to wonder if maybe I just wasn’t as resilient as I used to be.

And here’s the subtle shift I didn’t recognize right away..

I stopped asking where clarity belonged
and started asking why this felt harder for me than it used to.

That’s the moment where system strain turns into self-doubt.

One Practical Anchor (Use This Now)

If you’re feeling the weight but can’t quite name it, try this:

Ask yourself:
“What am I quietly taking responsibility for that no one actually named as my job?”

It might be:

• Interpreting unclear direction

• Buffering competing priorities or acting as a "traffic coordinator"

• Managing emotional fallout from decisions you didn’t make

Most capable people do this automatically, especially in constant change.
It’s how we keep work moving.

Once you see it, call it out - say it plainly even just to yourself:

“This isn’t mine to carry alone.”

Acknowleging that one sentence creates space in a situation that feels constricting.

For a conversation.
A new boundary.
Or simply a kinder story you tell yourself.

Once you name it, then decide one of these three things: 

• Do I need to surface this as a question?
• Do I need to hand it back to the right owner?
• Or do I need to stop overcompensating for it? 

Then take one visible step - even a single sentence in a meeting or email can give you breathing room. 

This isn't about fixing the system. 

It's about stopping the quiet unnecessary transfer of ambiguity onto you. 

What I’m Loving 🩵

🛠️ A tool / tip

Before an important meeting, I jot down the assumptions I’m making and lately I’ll run them through a simple AI prompt to make them visible.

AI prompt to try:

I’m preparing for a meeting about [topic].
Here’s what I think is already decided or understood:
– [list your assumptions]

Help me identify:
1) Which assumptions may not actually be shared
2) Where clarity is missing or implied but not stated
3) One or two neutral questions I could ask to surface this without creating friction

It helps me see where I’m filling in gaps others may not even realize exist and where I’m spending energy holding things together that were never clearly aligned.

📖 A book or podcast
The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker - this is a quiet reminder that attention shapes experience, especially when you’re the one holding everyone else’s loose ends.

🫶 A simple pleasure
In my office I have curated a special “treat drawer” with really good chocolate and snacks that are hand-picked and unique from around the world. Some are from my travels and others are usually special ordered. Mid-day, I’ll choose one special thing and it turns a snack into a tiny, intentional reward instead of something mindless.

Those small rituals don’t slow the work down.
They help stop me from carrying more than what’s actually mine.

When clarity disappears and no one restores it, that's when capable people tend to step in.

That’s not a flaw.

But when it becomes something constant, it changes how the work feels
and how you relate to yourself inside it.

Learning to notice that shift, and respond to it intentionally, is part of working well in ongoing change.
It’s also a core piece of the practices I’m developing and teaching.

It’s where I’m focused right now.
And it’s where this conversation is headed next.

Warmly,
Heather

P.S. If there’s one thing you’re quietly carrying right now that your not sure if you should be, hit reply and tell me (no details needed just a sentence or two). Your answers help me know what to unpack for you in the next Change Anchor.